Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Mismatching Chromosomes and Brain Damage

Men. The end. Do I really need to say more? Anyone reading this who has matching chromosomes understands the connotation behind that single word completely. It means a host of things, most of which involve frustration and irritation. You men can occasionally be cute and cuddly, and serve functional purposes like taking out the trash and supplying us with the sperm needed for procreation. Ergo, we decide to keep you around.

Today I encountered one of my least favorite things: being sexually harassed by a disgusting XY-er passing by in a muscle truck that is supposed to compensate for what he's lacking in manliness. Mr. Smalls sped up on the highway, rode my tail until the first instant that he could safely pass me without taking off my bumper, and then whipped around, slowing for a moment so he could yell something through the glass (which I can safely assume was obscene) and then finished the tirade with a smooch to the window pane and then raced off. My blood came to an instantaneous boiling point, but I managed to resist the urge to flip him off. Well, at least until he couldn't see me anymore.

I've heard rumor that there is a scientific reason that men can sometimes seemingly lack in cerebral functioning. Although I (sadly) cannot back this up with research or proof, I've been told by reliable sources that men are *drum roll* ...... brain damaged. Yes! Ladies, all those times that you pondered to yourself whether or not the tripod in front of you has any brain waves going on is backed by at least a hope of an explanation! It may not actually be their fault. Seriously, brain damage would explain alot. Including why men think that its even remotely okay to make unrequested advances, even if its at 65 miles per hour. From my understanding, there is some kind of a disconnect between the two sides of the brain that occurs in utero that is quite literally a form of brain damage. It makes total sense!

To me, being checked out, given the sexy eyes, or even being kissed at from another vehicle is highly degrading. Being made to feel like a piece of meat is far from my idea of a good time and does not in any way, shape or form make me feel sexy or desired. It makes me feel dirty. Like, give me a shower. Now. *Shudder* It is a simple matter of respect and any mother who does not teach her sons how to treat a women should be sent to compulsory parenting class. Its common sense. Any man that does not listen to his mother in regards to this should be taken outside, beaten with a switch, and forced in to the stocks for 9 days with only being fed scorpions and warm tomato juice for the duration.

I feel very strongly about this subject. Probably because I'm very tired of feeling like a piece of arse for the better part of the last 10 years. Guys who are reading this: if you do not treat women respectfully with your manners, eyes and thoughts, you better run. Or I'm coming after you and will drag you to your mother by the ear for a lecture on how Jesus wants us to treat each other. And then I'll do the beating and putting you in the stocks myself.



Imtheniz said...

I speak for the men that are respectful towards woman and apologize for the meat-head in the truck. I myself have struggled with the appropriate way to socialize with woman and I learned through the what you would call stocks, scorpions, and warm tomato juice( by the way I hate tomato juice even cold...) There are men out there that are not brain damaged I can promise you that!! P.S. I was not offended sometimes i feel brain damaged too hahah

Mama Janna said...

This made me laugh out loud, pissed me off (not at you, but with jerk in the truck) and made me intrigued so I decided to look on as many research sites as I could to prove your theory. Well crap I could find no proof to the point that men actually brain damaged at birth, however I did find several theories that womens corpus collosum are larger then mens, and that while men tend have more grey matter in their brains and tend to use that for thinking, women tend to have more white matter and think with the white matter of their brains.

Rach said...

"You men can occasionally be cute and cuddly, and serve functional purposes like taking out the trash and supplying us with the sperm needed for procreation. Ergo, we decide to keep you around."

I seriously LOL'ed when I read that. I mean I laughed for the greater part of this blog- But THAT- gave me an especially good chuckle.

Cody S. said...

Some men are vile, true enough. However, I contest that all women are this:

Ceidra said...

I wouldn't give him warm tomato juice at all.

Ceidra said...

Also the in utero brain damage thing is totally true, and if you ask Bob Rentler about it, he is so secure in his (polite) manhood that he will gladly explain to you why this is so.