Sunday, August 8, 2010

Reason #127 I Feel Like a Mom

I've been puppy sitting for the past few days. I love animals, and have always wanted a dog, so this was a particularly fun prospect. Now, remember, I have two cats. And a small apartment. Mix in a 3 month old huskador (or is that labsky?) and it was a recipe for a very interesting few days.

There's the age old advice that if you're thinking about having kids, get a puppy first. I can tell you from experience, this is in fact accurate. Now, I realize that I don't have kids, but good Lord, it certainly feels like being a mother to human children must be something similar to this. My house has looked like a bomb went off, there are toys littering my living room floor. I can't keep sharp objects on the edges of tables. I get nervous taking a shower for fear of what I might find in puppy's mouth when I am done. I can handle hew chewing on most things, as long as it's not one of my cats' legs or anything. I've chuckled at myself more than once in the past few days, recalling things my sister has said about motherhood and realizing that I've been feeling the same way about my 4 legged furry charge. The things that have come out of my mouth have been strikingly similar to utterance of my sister to my nieces and nephews. Things like, "get that out of your mouth!" "Stop chewing on the furniture!" "Do NOT eat the cat poop!!!!" *sigh*

Having a puppy in and of itself is really not so bad. Sure, it's a considerable amount of work. You have to drag yourself out of bed 45 minutes early to feed the dog, walk the dog, and play with the dog so that you don't come home to find your bathroom totally trashed. I don't think my landlord would appreciate my toilet having a hole chewed it in. But when the living space is so confined and there are 2 cats involved.... yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaah.

Bella, being the scaredy cat that she is, has spent the past few days hiding behind the curtain on my bedroom window sill. I've seen her approximately 4 times in the last 3 days. Oliver, on the other hand, is way too curious for his own good. And also stupid. He definitely wants to know what this thing is that barks and runs around. However, little puppy just wants to play with him, which he will have none of that. The ensuing chase has to have my downstairs neighbor pulling her hair out, as it happens at least 3 times an hour. It most sound something like a stampede from her vantage point. Maybe I should write her a note and apologize....

I think that Reason #127 that I feel like a parent this week just about any mother can relate to: I get terribly concerned when it's totally quiet. Either someone has chewed on something they shouldn't have and are silently choking to death. Or some kind of bad mischief is going on. So, for goodness sake puppy, please make sure that I can hear you at all times. Seriously.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Conversation Phobia

I've recently come to a terrible conclusion: I'm one of those people who never returns phone calls. Seriously. It's bad. Unless you're family (or practically such) most likely, if you call me and I don't pick up, chances are you won't be hearing back from me. I really and sincerely don't do it on purpose. I just really hate talking on the phone.

I just remembered this evening that I have yet to return a phone call from someone with whom I haven't spoken in quite some time. I have no idea why this person called. They left a very vague message. However, I can tell you with absolute certainty, that it has been 2 weeks since I received the message, and I haven't even been able to remember that they called, let alone actually return the favor. It's terrible. I'll be the first to admit it.

I'm not sure when or why I started to hate talking on the phone. I honestly think it's some strange social anxiety. I'm not actually a socially anxious person, but I do have this odd phobia about being able to keep up conversations. I've been like this for years. This phobia is one of the main reasons that I always hated casual dates. What if I can't think of anything to say? What if there are those horrible awkward pauses in which there is no words to fill the void? Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!! Yes, these thoughts to actually go through my demented little brain. Color me strange, but it's just the way I am.

I am now remembering all of the phone calls that I've received in the past few months that haven't been returned. I'm slightly ashamed of myself. If you are one of those people who are awaiting a return call, you may want to just text me. Really. I'm almost guaranteed to get back to you that way.