I Have the Swan Flu

Sometimes I feel that I have no tact. Not in regards to relating directly to people.... but subtly. In ways that could most definitely be classified as politically INcorrect. I'm good at that one. Political correctness is boring and safe. Who wants boring and safe? Certainly not me.

My officemate and I have a dreadful habit of being "hypochondriacs." Not real ones, mind you. Hence, the quotation marks. Even the slightest cough in our office brings gasps of, "OH NO!!! You have the consumption!!!" This is unfailingly followed by hysterical laughter from both sides of the room. One time, I found these odd ridges on my fingernails. Naturally, my curious nature got the better of me (as it always does). A few Google searches brought us to the terrible truth... I had syphilis. It was either that or diabetes, but heck, I thought that having the syph sounded way more horrific. Now, mind you, it would basically be impossible for me to the syph. Like, actually. But still, the determination had been made. It simply must be true.

So, along with random outbreaks of Ebola, Mad Cow Disease, West Nile Virus, and perhaps the Avian Flu once or twice, we have recently had some, well... fun, for lack of a better word, with the swine flu. First off, it just sounds funny. Having newscasters seriously discuss the swine flu is prime for some giggling from certain tactless people, such as myself. I mean, seriously, who even calls pigs "swine" nowadays? Maybe some rustic farmers in West Virginia, but not the general population.

This week, every sneeze, cough, or sniffle has been followed by teasingly panicked comments about coming down with the swine flu. I was nearly kicked out of the office once or twice by my beloved officemate for what was simply allergy symptoms. Somewhere along the lines of all the goofing off, the new recent mutations of flu were aptly renamed. Actually, they were renamed twice. The media should be alerted to no longer refer to the impending pandemic as the "swine flu", but the "swan flu" or the "pot belly pig flu." Really, that just sounds so much better! "Yes, I have the swan flu." Could you imagine tuning into the news and hearing "There are additional reported outbreaks of the pot belly pig flu in Florida and Colorado." How could you not giggle?

For those of you that I may have mortally offended with such an insensitive post, I am not making light of the fact that this flu has caused a large number of deaths in Mexico and is rapidly spreading through our own country. It is just an attempt to keep life interesting and not get caught up in the panic that the media is doing its best to spread. I swear that the greatest pandemic the world will ever have is the the media spreading fear. They do it so well and it is unstoppable.

Maybe they could come up for a vaccine for that...