Lessons in How to Talk Without Moving Your Face

Ah, yes, fall. The season of sweaters, hayrides and pumpkin spice lattes. Flip-flops are replaced with socks and boots. Watermelon is no longer readily available, but soup makings can be found highlighted on end-caps at grocery stores. There is that delicious smell in the air of the trees shedding their leaves... One cannot help but inhale the scent deeply.... and then promptly start sneezing.

Ah, yes, fall. The season of Zyrtec, tissues and lots of Advil for those sinus headaches. Clear nasal passages are replaced with the sniffles. Unblocked ears are no longer around, but post-nasal drip is in abundance. Along with watery eyeballs, infections galore and sneezing. One must not forget the sneezing.

Ah, yes, fall. Not exactly the season of glory for those of us cursed with "The Allergy," as I oft like to call it. As if it were a living being with a full-fledged personality of awfulness. Sometimes it feels like that is very true.

This allergy season has blessed me with a new low: sinus issues in the form of toothaches. Toothaches! I mean, seriously, it is extraordinarily unnecessary. Last night found me popping ibuprofen more often than recommended in an attempt to get the throbbing to stop. Top and bottom rows of teeth just ached. Not to mention the entire right side of my face hurt. So. Not. Fun. At first, I attributed the nasty achy-ness to a massive cavity I had filled one year ago in a top, right molar. But then, I realized that it was probably not the case, what with all of my teeth on that side hurting and my face feeling like someone had taken a baseball bat to it. Tack on the fact that I had suffered from a sinus headache all day and... ding, ding, ding! What do we have for today's lucky winner, Johnny?

I do occasionally use my brainal faculties for such things as thinking. I find it useful, rather than letting my cranium go to complete waste and all. I remembered my father going to the denist a few years ago with a toothache and discovering that it was not anything rotting away in there, but just drainage from his all-wonderful sinuses. This was, actually, a slight consolation, as I was seeing my bank account depleting before my watery eyes at the thought of needing a root canal on the aforementioned massive filled cavity. Considering that I don't have dental insurance, I may have had to sell my first born or a liver or something to pay for the damage of that impending bill.

In case you've never tried it, allow me to enlighten you: it is rather difficult to talk without moving your face. Or lips. Or tongue, for that matter. I experienced about 45 minutes of sheer ouchiness before the ibuprofen took full effect, in which time moving said facial muscles was not found to be a good idea. Naturally, Bella, Momma's little angel face of a kitty, decided that those 45 minutes would be an opportune time to start crawling all over Momma. Its tremendously difficult to reprimand an animal when you can't move your face. Or talk. Particularly when said animal doesn't understand English, not to mention some perverse version of the language that sounds more like grunts and squeals. Although that may be more up her communication alley....

Thankfully, today has been better. I'm sticking to softer, lukewarm foods. Hot, cold, hard, or chewy consumables aren't going to be on the menu for the next few days to avoid a breakdown due to tooth pain. I don't think that my health insurance would foot a bill for me being institutionalized due to a toothache...