Thursday, October 22, 2009

City Living and Roaches

I have come to the official conclusion that I hate old houses. Especially when they are in cities. I used to love them. Alot. Why is it that we can never just have nice things that we like without them being tainted? I wish I knew...

I found a cockroach today. Considering that I live in an old house in the city, I suppose this is to be expected. I hate cockroaches. I hate bugs. But cockroaches are up there with spiders and millipedes on my list of things that I absolutely abhor. Now, I would probably have been able to handle having a roach in my house. But this one happened to be found in my bed. My bed!! My sacred place of all things nice and cozy and warm! The devil invaded my very precious throne of goodness with its vile presence.

Now, this wasn't some tiny little cockroach. It had to have been at least an inch and a half long. I honestly wasn't sure what it was at first. I'm not used to having roaches in my house. There was the initial freak out of seeing it in the first place, and in my bed, which is possibly the worst possible place to find a large bug. I quickly scrambled out of bed and grabbed the first thing I could get my hands on. It happened to be a slipper. Not exactly the best weapon against one of Satan's minions, but it would have to do. I skirted around the edge of the bed, keeping a sharp eye on the monster, certain it might attack with those large claw looking things at any second. As I moved the covers to get a good look at it, it began to move much quicker than I would have liked. I'm pretty sure that I was dancing around in disgust as I swatted at it to get it off the bed and onto the flat surface of the floor before I could slay the beast with my almighty slipper. I really wished I had a blowtorch right around this moment. It would make my life so much easier.

I managed to get the thing off the bed, onto the floor and successfully smooshed. After discarding said beast, I made the very large mistake of googling cockroaches to see what they looked like. I know a roach when I see it outside. I'm not so certain when they're in my house and invading my bed. I'm pretty sure I wish I would have left well enough alone. I now have the creepy crawlies so bad that I can't even bear to put my feet under the covers. Its entirely possible that I may never sleep again. Ever.

Also, I'm not quite sure what the point is of having two cats who can't detect, let alone kill, big nasty bugs. I mean, really. Its just not right.


Lauralei said...

That was very Nutcracker-esque.

Southern Blood said...

Haha, Bethany, i miss you dear. This made me chcukle. And i know exactly how you feel about the useless animals, mine never fulfil their protective duties. My dog just let a million legged assailent easily escape her grasp! Utterly Useless!
And i loved your comparison of the roach to satan. made me laugh. BUT you ought not use a blowtorch in your bed, though they are loads of flaming fun, it'll do more damage to your home than the evil little creature. I suggest a bug bomb. OR bug spray. Or a baseball bat!
Anyways i shall certainly pray against satans future invasions of your home. Peace and blessings