Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Cell Phones and Water STILL Don't Mix

Some of you may remember a few months back when I blogged about my unfortunate tendencies to force cell phones and liquids to collide. As in, dropping my phone in various containers of water. Sinks, toilets, etc. This past weekend takes the cake, wins the trophy, goes down in history for the best one yet.

I may have also mentioned in the past my dreadful fear of critters. As in, bugs. Especially spiders. I hate them. As in, loathe, despise, abhor, detest. I think you get the point. I personally feel that Jesus was having a very bad day when he made spiders. Seriously, it was simply unnecessary. I love when people try to tell me that spiders are good because they eat other bugs. I tell them that they must have brain damage if they think that spiders are actually good. Who cares if they eat other bugs? My cat eats bugs. At least she's cute and cuddly and not sneaking around on eight legs and trying to literally eat people in their sleep. I suffer from extreme terror when I wake up with bug bites. Let's just be honest, they're from spiders. Which not only means that a spider was crawling on me in my sleep, but that it was also consuming my blood. It was feasting. On my life force. While I was unconscious and unable to defend myself. I personally think that Satan should have come in the form of a spider and not a snake. Spiders are way worse.

This past weekend marked the annual youth retreat with the youth group at my church, which I am a leader of. It is held each year at Tuscarora Inn, out in the middle of God-freaking-forsaken nowhere (oddly, and somewhat uncomfortably, close to where I spent my formative years). Do you know what's out in the middle of God-freaking-forsaken nowhere? Bugs. Particularly spiders. And not small ones. Big ones that probably wouldn't wait until you're sleeping to climb on you to suck your life force. They just tackle you and pin you down. Bottoms up, baby! Its dinner time! They are basically comparable to Shelab in Lord of the Rings. Or... at least in my mind.

Friday night found me hanging out on a dock by the shore of the Delaware River at Tusc. The spiders must have thought that was a good place to chill as well. After spotting one climbing a post reeeeeaaaaally close to me, my shrieks of terror sent one of the youth girls hustling off to find a few stones with which to slay the beast. This thing was ginormous. I mean, the leg span had to have been at least 2 feet. That's my side of the story, anyway. If anyone else tries to tell you differently, don't believe them. Its a lie straight from Satan. However, Jo successfully brought down the monster with a rock, only to have another one surface a few seconds later. I'm pretty sure that it was going to come after us in revenge for killing is fellow creature. This was not going over so well with me. Jo quickly went off in search of more stones with which to slay the new beast, whilst I cowered in a ball, probably whimpering like a little girl.

Immediately before throwing the stone at the Shelob, Jo mentions that it might be a good idea for me to move, because if she missed, the beast would probably make a beeline for me. My hysteria at the thought had me swiftly to my feet.... forgetting that my cell phone was lying peacefully in my very small jacket pocket.

*bounce, bounce, PLOP* No... it couldn't be!! My laughter started immediately upon the realization that, yes, my cell phone did just, in fact, hit the dock and bounce its way into the Delaware River. It was dark. And its the Delaware. I was not about to go jumping in after it.

My cell phone, may it rest in peace, is now making friends with the fish at the bottom of the Delaware. I have done nothing but laugh about it. I mean, its a great story. Its hard not to laugh about it. Plus, I'm up for a renewal on my cell plan next week, which means I'm eligible for a phone upgrade. The trusty old backup phone is being used in the interim. Good old, trusty old cell phone.

Lessons to be learned: do not, I repeat, do not try mixing electronics and water. It just doesn't work.


Cody S. said...

I'm going to have to refute that last point. I think your past stories have proven that while water does not mix in the most magnificent of manner, it can play nicely for short periods of time.

I think the bigger lesson to be learned is actually: do not, I repeat, DO NOT try mixing Bethany and spiders. It just doesn't work.

Becca Joy said...

You CRACK ME UP! HAHA, oh boy, I share your passionate disdain for spiders.

And p.s. I never before assumed that spiders were responsible for nighttime bug bites... thanks.

Faith said...

I'm thinking that you are going to be in a bad way if you ever drop the backup into, say, the ocean or something.

Keenan said...

I actually enjoy the fact that you were willing to sacrifice a youth group boy to get your phone back.
I wish you would have mentioned THAT part, as it was my favorite and makes the story so much better.
We love our youth staff : ]