Wednesday, May 6, 2009

There Are Still Some Kinks

I found myself angry today. At me. In the rough wake of Sue's funeral, I was highly agitated at how I hadn't been there for her and her family more, how I hadn't called enough, hadn't emailed enough, hadn't put my own selfishness behind a bit and put her before myself. In complete honesty, I was afraid to go visit her. I knew how I had reacted the last I had seen Sue. It involved a total emotional breakdown. Not to mention barely being able to control the tears from rolling down my face at the skeleton of a woman I had once known while she was right in front of me. Looking back now, I realize the utter egocentrism involved. It never should have been about me, about how I would react, but about being an encouragement to someone I cared about. About showing my love, respect, care.

Love is not selfish, the Bible says. I know that my love still needs to be perfected, that I have yet to learn to love as Jesus loves me. Learning to become like my Savior is going to be a life-long process, and it is again blatantly obvious how far I have yet to travel on that journey. I will never be Jesus, but I will still strive everyday to be more like Him, to learn His character, to work out all the kinks in my life so that it matches His. It will never be perfect, but I will try like hell.

As my day progressed I couldn't help but be reminded of how we truly do need to cherish every day. All the cliche Carpe Diem phrases that we oft roll our eyes at suddenly have so much meaning in times such as this. There is no guarantee of what tomorrow holds, and only God knows where are life's path ends. Every moment should be regarded to be as precious as gold, and as savored as the most elusive herbs. Every instance where we can remind another of how we love them should be snatched up and put to use. The only guarantee in life is that there are no guarantees. That chance may never be had again.

To all my friends and family, I know I do not say it often enough, but I love you.


Becca Joy said...

Love you too, Beth. And I want to recommend a book to you that will probably change your outlook on God completely. It's called The Divine Romance by Dee Bright. Check it out, it's transforming my love for Jesus like I never thought possible.