Ponderances and Decisions

One of my favorite phrases is "life has been very life-like lately." Its a fabulous way of getting across that things aren't necessarily terrible, but they may not be so great either. I do feel that the last few weeks have been very, well... life-like.

Combine all the drama with my car, depression issues, sleep deprivation, and certain tragic incidences, its all been a bit overwhelming and I've found myself repressing the urge to smash my head into the corner of something heavy. Okay, so it really hasn't been quite that bad. But still, I feel that I can make the case for life being slightly less than desirable in recent weeks.

I have often been quoted as saying that I find it simply incredulous that children at the age of 17 or 18 are forced by society to pick their life's path in the form of a college major. I mean, seriously, at age 17 one is still so young and naive as to think that life is going to all work out exactly the way one wants it. Should people such as these be trusted with life-altering decisions? I think not! One of my most pressed suggestions with high schoolers is as follows: "take as many elective courses as you possibly can. Even if you're not sure if you'll like it." My reason for saying this is that, if given the right circumstances, one can learn so much about oneself in college through random course taking. One discover interests and talents that one never knew existed. One's path may alter completely based off of a single course.

Sadly, I was not afforded this opportunity in my advice during my college stay. Being an education major for my first 5 semesters of college, each semester was essentially planned out for me and jam-packed tight full of required courses. I believe I had 6 credits of free electives for my entire college career (how depressing!). However, one of those required courses did alter my career path nonetheless. A hellish semester with 5 required classes in my major (Secondary Education with a concentration in History) also brought along an Instructional Technology class that prompted a change of heart and brought about a switch in major midway though my junior year. A bit late for changing my mind, huh?

Here I am, nearly 5 years after college graduation. First off, I am flabbergasted that I am 5 years out from my undergrad degree. How does that happen? Each day pushes me closer to the 30 year mark, and I have a single thought that runs through my cranium every single day: What am I doing with my life? Yes! It is so true! I am about to head into my "late twenties" and I'm still relatively clueless as to what I am actually doing with my life. I have heard that this is a common theme amongst humans. I've had 50 year old people tell me that they still don't know what they want to be when they grow up. I do not find this encouraging. Another 25 years of swimming around in the sea of indecision does not sound like a good time.

I am on a quest to find out my life's calling recently. Well, not really recently. I suppose its more a quest that I've been on for the last 26 years, its just become accelerated as of late. I do believe that some light may be beginning to shine at the end of the tunnel. I'm hoping that I may get some direction soon, or I may just get steamrolled by the train that is attached to said light. Who knows. I do know that God knows the plans that He has for me. And they are plans to prosper me and not to harm me.

I'll simply take comfort in that. For now.