Monday, November 3, 2008

Lessons in How to be Terrified

Election day. The day that comes every 4 years, and I have yet to dread it any less. Tomorrow, the fearful day is upon us and our beloved country will choose a new leader. Or elect the anti-christ. One of the two.

In all seriousness, neither candidate looks particularly appealing. McCain is quick tempered and old, Obama is inexperienced and.... well.... I'll just stop there before I get in trouble. I'm considering writing in Nemo on the ballot, because it looks that an animated fish may be the better choice. I considered not voting, but I refuse to give up my right to complain about the government so off to the polls I go. I do enjoy complaining about the government, considering that they all have smarts equivalent to fruit flies.

This election will be historic, regardless of the outcome. Either the first black president or the first woman Veep. It will also be the first presidential election since 1988 which does not carry either a Bush or a Clinton on the ticket. And the first election in something like 50 years in which neither an incumbent president nor vice was not on the ballot. I think that point makes my nerves a bit more sensitive, being that the elected will be completely new to the White House. Ugh.

Not to mention, the policies presented by both parties are seriously lacking in any sort of feasibility. I mean, seriously, fining people for not having health insurance? I cannot think of anything more retarded than that. Hey, you can't afford to pay for health insurance, so the government is going to fine you as a result. Sounds like a great idea! Let's come up with completely unfair taxing practices which will remove taxes from the middle class and tax the upper class 65% of their income! Socialism, anyone? Awesome! And while we're at it, let's yank all of the funding out of charter schools and make home schooling illegal. Great! Or we can just keep our men and women in uniform in the Middle East for the next 100 years. Clearly, that will just solve all of the problems in the Muslim world. The level of brilliance in Washington astounds me. Really, really just... bewildering.

As previously mentioned, I have been looking into purchasing a private island. On the eve of the election with no good choices, this is a very appealing option. I'd much rather be ruler of my own beach with pineapple trees and monkeys than leave the fate of the nation I occupy to the idiots on the Hill. Before you know it, we may either be a military or communist state.

On that note, make sure you get out and vote. Protect your right to moan about the government!


Rach said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You took the words right out of my mouth! : ) You should email that to O'Reilly. Pithy pithy pithy

Joanna said...

Nemo would be an absolutly wonderful vote... but really, you should write in for Keenan. She could blow Nemo outta the water any day ;)

Becca Joy said...

seriously... this election needs to be over so that we can just get the head-bashing-against-the-wall practices over with. i think that i'll purchase the island next to yours... and mine will have tucans and tree frogs :)

M. Butterfly said...

BETHANY! I love your blog...I personally am having a field day spamming political humour all over the interwebs. But I'm also a little crazy. How have you been? I miss you!

Ceidra said...

Your point about health care fines makes me think of the John Bunyan days when they threw people in debtors' prison. Brilliant. Late on your bills? Well, how about you rot in jail for ten years or so. Ha-we'll Wait...

Also, I forgot to tell you, we're moving you the island a few waves away from yours.