I find it incredible how certain elements in life stay with us forever. Its as if they are built directly into our DNA, so close to who we are that we will never be separated from them. As if God combined ourselves with these things, never to be fully parted, or life itself would feel dim, glum in a sense that is inexplicable.
Last year, I very painfully decided to resign from my post as a dance teacher at a studio I had spent 13 years at, 9 of which were dedicated to instruction. I began teaching at the ripe age of 17, still in my last year of high school. I had such an intense love, an exuberant passion for my art that sharing it with others seemed to be the only logical next step.
I was given the opportunity to not only teach at the studio that I was trained at, but several others as well. I saturated any opportunity I could to be involved. After 9 years on the job, I knew it was time to move on from my home studio. I had no other teaching position lined up, and thought that my time as a dancer may have come to a close. Many, many tears were shed after the finalization of my determination. Part of my soul felt empty at the proposition of leaving such an important part of my life behind, yet I knew that I had to move on from the position I had held at the studio for so long.
An entire year has passed since. The few chances I had to teach in those 12 months were cherished. I believe that the kids thought I was straight from the state hospital, because my level of excitement was so intense as to be easily determined psychotic. I really do turn mad when I get passionate. Its nearly a problem.
When the juncture arose for a position at a new studio, I jumped at it. Having missed so terribly participation in what had been a defining part of my life, I knew that I must return to it. The following week I began instructing ballet classes yet again. My body is remembering (slowly) how to move again, aided along with a class that I was able to take myself. Lots of aches and pains ensued, but I am returning to my second love in this world: immersing myself in my art and being an instrument of change in others lives through what I do. It has been a blessing to get back what I thought I may have lost. The experience was akin to being unexpectedly returned a precious item that the beholder thought lost forever.
I am also being reminded that teaching isn't easy. That my personality may conflict with my students, and that they will drive me crazy more often than not. However, I am reminded as well that most things in life that are worth it are not easy. And that crazy part of me is willing to put myself through frustrations for the love of what I do. Crazy, perhaps, but to me, it is well worth it.
God really does have a way of returning things to us. Maybe not all the time, and maybe he doesn't return to us things we wish He would. However, when He has placed a call on our lives, there is no getting away from it. We will ache, we will slowly wither away, until we remember our passion, and return willingly. God does take us away from our loves sometimes, perhaps just to remind us of what they mean, why we do what we do. That acceptance back into our calling is then welcomed, desired, longed for so strongly that we leap at any chance we can to return. This then morphs into an affirmation of what we were created to do, what our purpose is in life.
Nothing is ever taken away for good if God has bound you to it. Its rather incredible.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Lessons in Change
So, news flash everyone! Barack Obama is not the messiah! Shocking, I know. I mean, come on, he was the Change that our country needed to be turned around.... right? Let's look at his track record, shall we?
Obama has now passed his 6 month mark as leader of our great country. He's approved funding for overseas abortion, spent $789 billion on a special interest stimulus package that was promised to turn our economy around, his healthcare reform is still struggling through congress because the few smart people that we have on the Hill are fighting it, he's siding with Palestine in the not-so-silent war between that nation and Israel, most of his nominees for his cabinet have been rejected due to tax fraud, his recommendation for the Supreme Court is way too liberal (besides, lets just face it, we all know she was nominated because she's a woman and hispanic). Am I the only one that this concerns?
Let's go back to the stimulus package for a moment. I know I've ranted about this in the past, but its such a juicy subject that its hard to stay away from. It finally hit the mainstream news today that part of the funding that went to the National Endowment for the Arts is going towards porn and other racey films. I'm so glad to see our hard earned tax dollars going towards the satisfaction of lust-filled men who are feeding their sexual addictions at the price of women who exploit themselves for the sake of the almighty dollar. Not only is the pork package doing absolutely nothing to turn the economy around and create jobs, Americans are now unwittingly supporting a disgusting industry. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn't it?
Healthcare reform! Ha! Obama's idea of reform will put small businesses out of business because they won't be able to afford to cover their employees as will be required by law. Not only that, but the cuts to Medicare will put our elderly population in a dire situation of not having enough health coverage. Some are even calling this reform a scheme of euthanasia. That may be a bit harsh, in my opinion, but I can sure as heck understand why one might call it that.
I am honestly afraid that this administration is going to do nothing but promote the degradation of our society and push us further into debt. Not to mention befriending terrorist nations and pushing us closer to socialism. Who knows, 3 years from now we might be a tyrannical country. Congress' approval rating is tanking and Obama's rating are slipping. Probably because the country thought that Jesus Christ himself was stepping into the Oval Office. Surprise!
Sigh. Oh well. Guess we all need to wear out the knees of our jeans and pray for a miracle.
Obama has now passed his 6 month mark as leader of our great country. He's approved funding for overseas abortion, spent $789 billion on a special interest stimulus package that was promised to turn our economy around, his healthcare reform is still struggling through congress because the few smart people that we have on the Hill are fighting it, he's siding with Palestine in the not-so-silent war between that nation and Israel, most of his nominees for his cabinet have been rejected due to tax fraud, his recommendation for the Supreme Court is way too liberal (besides, lets just face it, we all know she was nominated because she's a woman and hispanic). Am I the only one that this concerns?
Let's go back to the stimulus package for a moment. I know I've ranted about this in the past, but its such a juicy subject that its hard to stay away from. It finally hit the mainstream news today that part of the funding that went to the National Endowment for the Arts is going towards porn and other racey films. I'm so glad to see our hard earned tax dollars going towards the satisfaction of lust-filled men who are feeding their sexual addictions at the price of women who exploit themselves for the sake of the almighty dollar. Not only is the pork package doing absolutely nothing to turn the economy around and create jobs, Americans are now unwittingly supporting a disgusting industry. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn't it?
Healthcare reform! Ha! Obama's idea of reform will put small businesses out of business because they won't be able to afford to cover their employees as will be required by law. Not only that, but the cuts to Medicare will put our elderly population in a dire situation of not having enough health coverage. Some are even calling this reform a scheme of euthanasia. That may be a bit harsh, in my opinion, but I can sure as heck understand why one might call it that.
I am honestly afraid that this administration is going to do nothing but promote the degradation of our society and push us further into debt. Not to mention befriending terrorist nations and pushing us closer to socialism. Who knows, 3 years from now we might be a tyrannical country. Congress' approval rating is tanking and Obama's rating are slipping. Probably because the country thought that Jesus Christ himself was stepping into the Oval Office. Surprise!
Sigh. Oh well. Guess we all need to wear out the knees of our jeans and pray for a miracle.
Monday, July 20, 2009
I'm Taking a Lesson From Giraffe
There is a great Robot Chicken sketch that I like to simply call "Giraffe". Go Youtube it immediately. In said sketch, there is a part where Giraffe yells rather perturbedly, "AAAHHHHHHHH I JUST WANNA BITE SOMEONE IN THE FACE!!" I had exactly one of those days today.
Without going into much detail, today involved alot of noise and being taken advantage of. I don't always do so well with either of those. My company just moved offices this weekend to the other side of Allentown (the side where people don't get murdered constantly). This new office removes me from my nice cozy work space with my BFF officemate to an open air office with approximately 15 million other people. Or at least it sounded like that many. Do you know how much of a din it makes to have about 20 full grown adults talking at normal volume simultaneously? Alot. As in, I had my ear buds in, music blaring, and I could still hear them. Its dreadfully hard to concentrate and get any sort of work done with that kind of noise. I'm sure I'll adjust eventually. Either that or I'll freak out and everyone will start tiptoeing around me so that I don't go ballistic on them.
Also, I've come to the conclusion that I may not be a great team player. Maybe that's why I never really got into sports. I don't do well with feeling taken advantage of and being "asked" to constantly do work that is completely out of the range of my job description. At my last job, I called myself "the dump person." The gopher. The if-anything-needs-to-be-done-just-go-ask-Bethany person. This is my fault, really, because I am incapable of saying "no." Ever. I am such a Yes person, that its nearly a compulsion to try to make everyone else happy, even if I'm miserable in the meantime. Really, I'm just too nice.I'm finding myself in the same position at my current job, because I still can't say "no." Ever. Let me tell you, when you don't ever utter the "N" word, people start coming to you with all kinds of requests. Its amazing. What's even more amazing is when you overhear conversations (which is almost shocking because of the 15 million other people talking at the same time) about how someone is going to ask you to do something simply because they know that you won't say "no." This is where I almost bit someone in the face. Right. There.
It was great. Hearing people walk towards me to ask me to do something because they knew I wouldn't say "no." I nearly did, just because of that. But, alas and alack, because of the parties involved, I knew that I wouldn't be able to do so, no matter how much I may have wanted to.
I suppose I'll get over it. Once my tension headache subsides and the next two days are over and done with, I feel that I may be able to continue living without wanting to hurt someone. I know that I need to be thankful, but I just don't feel like it right now. Maybe after I eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream in a single sitting, I'll feel better...
Without going into much detail, today involved alot of noise and being taken advantage of. I don't always do so well with either of those. My company just moved offices this weekend to the other side of Allentown (the side where people don't get murdered constantly). This new office removes me from my nice cozy work space with my BFF officemate to an open air office with approximately 15 million other people. Or at least it sounded like that many. Do you know how much of a din it makes to have about 20 full grown adults talking at normal volume simultaneously? Alot. As in, I had my ear buds in, music blaring, and I could still hear them. Its dreadfully hard to concentrate and get any sort of work done with that kind of noise. I'm sure I'll adjust eventually. Either that or I'll freak out and everyone will start tiptoeing around me so that I don't go ballistic on them.
Also, I've come to the conclusion that I may not be a great team player. Maybe that's why I never really got into sports. I don't do well with feeling taken advantage of and being "asked" to constantly do work that is completely out of the range of my job description. At my last job, I called myself "the dump person." The gopher. The if-anything-needs-to-be-done-just-go-ask-Bethany person. This is my fault, really, because I am incapable of saying "no." Ever. I am such a Yes person, that its nearly a compulsion to try to make everyone else happy, even if I'm miserable in the meantime. Really, I'm just too nice.I'm finding myself in the same position at my current job, because I still can't say "no." Ever. Let me tell you, when you don't ever utter the "N" word, people start coming to you with all kinds of requests. Its amazing. What's even more amazing is when you overhear conversations (which is almost shocking because of the 15 million other people talking at the same time) about how someone is going to ask you to do something simply because they know that you won't say "no." This is where I almost bit someone in the face. Right. There.
It was great. Hearing people walk towards me to ask me to do something because they knew I wouldn't say "no." I nearly did, just because of that. But, alas and alack, because of the parties involved, I knew that I wouldn't be able to do so, no matter how much I may have wanted to.
I suppose I'll get over it. Once my tension headache subsides and the next two days are over and done with, I feel that I may be able to continue living without wanting to hurt someone. I know that I need to be thankful, but I just don't feel like it right now. Maybe after I eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream in a single sitting, I'll feel better...
