I find it odd how us humans intentionally torture ourselves. We watch that movie, even when we know is going to make us cry. We read the news everyday, even when we know is going to make us angry. We run that extra half mile, even when we know our bodies will hate us the next day. I do something similar each and every day. I drink caffeine, even when I know that I'm going to have caffeine letdown. Perhaps I should get my sanity checked.
Caffeine letdown is serious. At least when you have a job that finds you sitting behind a desk each day, and not up and about and active. Its nothing short of a extra hand in the impending doom of sleepiness that occurs each day right around 1PM. My caffeine letdown also coincides with the post-lunch lethargy that is also inevitable. Its nearly cruel, really. Who in their right mind would do this to themselves on purpose? I suppose I never claimed to be intelligent, which is fortituous, considering the intended annoyance I put myself though on a daily basis.
Oh well. I suppose caffeine letdown is a small price to pay, when never waking up in the first place is the alternative. I guess I should learn how to sleep better, so that I can let go of my addiction at least a little bit.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Monday, July 20, 2009
I'm Taking a Lesson From Giraffe
There is a great Robot Chicken sketch that I like to simply call "Giraffe". Go Youtube it immediately. In said sketch, there is a part where Giraffe yells rather perturbedly, "AAAHHHHHHHH I JUST WANNA BITE SOMEONE IN THE FACE!!" I had exactly one of those days today.
Without going into much detail, today involved alot of noise and being taken advantage of. I don't always do so well with either of those. My company just moved offices this weekend to the other side of Allentown (the side where people don't get murdered constantly). This new office removes me from my nice cozy work space with my BFF officemate to an open air office with approximately 15 million other people. Or at least it sounded like that many. Do you know how much of a din it makes to have about 20 full grown adults talking at normal volume simultaneously? Alot. As in, I had my ear buds in, music blaring, and I could still hear them. Its dreadfully hard to concentrate and get any sort of work done with that kind of noise. I'm sure I'll adjust eventually. Either that or I'll freak out and everyone will start tiptoeing around me so that I don't go ballistic on them.
Also, I've come to the conclusion that I may not be a great team player. Maybe that's why I never really got into sports. I don't do well with feeling taken advantage of and being "asked" to constantly do work that is completely out of the range of my job description. At my last job, I called myself "the dump person." The gopher. The if-anything-needs-to-be-done-just-go-ask-Bethany person. This is my fault, really, because I am incapable of saying "no." Ever. I am such a Yes person, that its nearly a compulsion to try to make everyone else happy, even if I'm miserable in the meantime. Really, I'm just too nice.I'm finding myself in the same position at my current job, because I still can't say "no." Ever. Let me tell you, when you don't ever utter the "N" word, people start coming to you with all kinds of requests. Its amazing. What's even more amazing is when you overhear conversations (which is almost shocking because of the 15 million other people talking at the same time) about how someone is going to ask you to do something simply because they know that you won't say "no." This is where I almost bit someone in the face. Right. There.
It was great. Hearing people walk towards me to ask me to do something because they knew I wouldn't say "no." I nearly did, just because of that. But, alas and alack, because of the parties involved, I knew that I wouldn't be able to do so, no matter how much I may have wanted to.
I suppose I'll get over it. Once my tension headache subsides and the next two days are over and done with, I feel that I may be able to continue living without wanting to hurt someone. I know that I need to be thankful, but I just don't feel like it right now. Maybe after I eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream in a single sitting, I'll feel better...
Without going into much detail, today involved alot of noise and being taken advantage of. I don't always do so well with either of those. My company just moved offices this weekend to the other side of Allentown (the side where people don't get murdered constantly). This new office removes me from my nice cozy work space with my BFF officemate to an open air office with approximately 15 million other people. Or at least it sounded like that many. Do you know how much of a din it makes to have about 20 full grown adults talking at normal volume simultaneously? Alot. As in, I had my ear buds in, music blaring, and I could still hear them. Its dreadfully hard to concentrate and get any sort of work done with that kind of noise. I'm sure I'll adjust eventually. Either that or I'll freak out and everyone will start tiptoeing around me so that I don't go ballistic on them.
Also, I've come to the conclusion that I may not be a great team player. Maybe that's why I never really got into sports. I don't do well with feeling taken advantage of and being "asked" to constantly do work that is completely out of the range of my job description. At my last job, I called myself "the dump person." The gopher. The if-anything-needs-to-be-done-just-go-ask-Bethany person. This is my fault, really, because I am incapable of saying "no." Ever. I am such a Yes person, that its nearly a compulsion to try to make everyone else happy, even if I'm miserable in the meantime. Really, I'm just too nice.I'm finding myself in the same position at my current job, because I still can't say "no." Ever. Let me tell you, when you don't ever utter the "N" word, people start coming to you with all kinds of requests. Its amazing. What's even more amazing is when you overhear conversations (which is almost shocking because of the 15 million other people talking at the same time) about how someone is going to ask you to do something simply because they know that you won't say "no." This is where I almost bit someone in the face. Right. There.
It was great. Hearing people walk towards me to ask me to do something because they knew I wouldn't say "no." I nearly did, just because of that. But, alas and alack, because of the parties involved, I knew that I wouldn't be able to do so, no matter how much I may have wanted to.
I suppose I'll get over it. Once my tension headache subsides and the next two days are over and done with, I feel that I may be able to continue living without wanting to hurt someone. I know that I need to be thankful, but I just don't feel like it right now. Maybe after I eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream in a single sitting, I'll feel better...
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Grievances, Punching Bags and Private Islands
Today was yet another day of wondering if I should have my head examined. My morning and afternoon were reminiscent of the thanksgiving turkey right after it had been decapitated before it made its way to your dinner table. There's a great mental picture for you. Anyhoo, stress seems to be in the air at the office, with no one able to run away from it. I believe that it gets into the vents, and well... There is no escape. I may need to invest in surgical masks.
The non-stop-so-you-better-buckle-up-and-learn-how-to-ride-it-out-graciously theme is our company motto. There never seems to be any downtime that exceeds 2.7 seconds. Ever. This is cause for approximately 8.3 mental breakdowns per hour, split between my office roomie and myself. Granted, it is not a 50-50 split. More like 70-30, with myself being the guilty party. I've discovered recently that I really do have a knack for complaining. This isn't a good thing, considering that there is no career path geared towards Professional Complainer. If there were, I could be a millionaire and buy a private island and then have to be more creative in finding things to complain about. Like the lack of coconuts for my pina coladas. Speaking of private islands, did you know that you can find relatively cheap islands for sale on the internet? I'm looking into it quite seriously, dependant on the outcome of the election.
The verse "do all things without complaining or arguing" has harassed the forefront of my mind lately. I personally think that God was a little too optimistic about the human race when he formed that thought. Being a chronic complainer who is attempting to rid myself of bemoaning, it just seems to me that our dear Lord may have entirely too much faith in my ability to shut my piehole. Venting keeps me from hurting people at work. Or taking a nail gun to my eyeball. Or yelling "WE'RE CLOSED!!" every time a co-worker opens my office door. Oh wait... Yeah, I'd continue to do that one regardless.
Perhaps I need a proxy for my grievances. Like a punching bag. That may help. Or maybe I can channel my frustrations into knitting scarves and blankets and then sell them on etsy.com to pay for my island. Speaking of which, you simply must see my lovely sister's lovely creations on her Etsy store if you haven't already. Its basically baby barrette heaven.
Oh well. On my quest for a complaint-free attitude, I shall just continue to force my mouth to stop spewing word vomit by stuffing it with food. God bless stress eating. Quite frankly, I would have been committed by now if it weren't for mashed potatoes and ice cream.
The non-stop-so-you-better-buckle-up-and-learn-how-to-ride-it-out-graciously theme is our company motto. There never seems to be any downtime that exceeds 2.7 seconds. Ever. This is cause for approximately 8.3 mental breakdowns per hour, split between my office roomie and myself. Granted, it is not a 50-50 split. More like 70-30, with myself being the guilty party. I've discovered recently that I really do have a knack for complaining. This isn't a good thing, considering that there is no career path geared towards Professional Complainer. If there were, I could be a millionaire and buy a private island and then have to be more creative in finding things to complain about. Like the lack of coconuts for my pina coladas. Speaking of private islands, did you know that you can find relatively cheap islands for sale on the internet? I'm looking into it quite seriously, dependant on the outcome of the election.
The verse "do all things without complaining or arguing" has harassed the forefront of my mind lately. I personally think that God was a little too optimistic about the human race when he formed that thought. Being a chronic complainer who is attempting to rid myself of bemoaning, it just seems to me that our dear Lord may have entirely too much faith in my ability to shut my piehole. Venting keeps me from hurting people at work. Or taking a nail gun to my eyeball. Or yelling "WE'RE CLOSED!!" every time a co-worker opens my office door. Oh wait... Yeah, I'd continue to do that one regardless.
Perhaps I need a proxy for my grievances. Like a punching bag. That may help. Or maybe I can channel my frustrations into knitting scarves and blankets and then sell them on etsy.com to pay for my island. Speaking of which, you simply must see my lovely sister's lovely creations on her Etsy store if you haven't already. Its basically baby barrette heaven.
Oh well. On my quest for a complaint-free attitude, I shall just continue to force my mouth to stop spewing word vomit by stuffing it with food. God bless stress eating. Quite frankly, I would have been committed by now if it weren't for mashed potatoes and ice cream.
Friday, October 17, 2008
In the Want of Something
I feel the need to clarify some points about my job, as per my first rambling. I don't hate my job. I don't even dislike it... most days... I mean, don't get me wrong. Its not called a "job" for nothing. We go to "work" 5 days a week, and its called that because... well... frankly, it is work. While I may not spring out of bed every morning, with a look of glee on my face and say "Oh joyous! I get to go to my oh-so-wonderful JOB today!!", generally speaking, its far from bad. Although, I did basically work for one of Satan's minions prior to my current place of employment, and referred to my at-the-time office as "the Seventh Circle of Hell," so, I may be slightly more inclined to like any job that isn't the loathesome "InfoHell." The Fifth Circle of Hell would even have been an improvement.
My job doesn't really fall into any of the Circles of Hell. Well, except on days where I wake up in a panic from thinking about the bazillion and a half items on one list of many that I need to keep track of (see last blog). Those days it might be the One-fifths Circle of Hell, or Two-thirds Circle of Hell. Maybe.
Any dissatisfaction that I may have in my current occupation is based around the fact that I don't feel like I'm doing anything that has any lasting meaning. There is a certain level of contentedness that I feel from what I do 8 to 5 (if I'm lucky) Monday through Friday. But it lacks a sense of purpose. Purpose is very important for someone like me (ya know, the crazy neurotic type). I crave that feeling that my toiling isn't just a paycheck. It isn't just the typical corporate hodge-podge that is seen in today's business. I mean, it is business. The primary goal of business is to make money. Pick up any business magazine and the headlines will all be based around how to make more profit and how Joe Schmoe down the street made 5 million by simply making adjustments to his business model. While all of that is valid, and for some, completely fine and dandy, I don't care so much about the dollar as I do really leaving a footprint on the earth. Granted, those greenbacks do come in handy for shoe and purse shopping...
Its idealistic, I know. But I do have that ideal that my life will mean something more than how much money I have stashed away in the vault. I want more than that. Its incredible to know that your life has changed someone else's, and it is my true desire to feel that my vocation is having a positive impact directly, or even indirectly, on the lives of others. That thirst for meaning, for something more, leaves me coming up a little empty by being one of the fish in the Sea of Corporate. Solomon spoke right to the center of the issue in saying that "its all meaningless, a chasing after the wind." In my own life, corporate lacks purpose, it is merely a chasing after the wind.
Yeah, blah blah blah, you can make your job your mission field and change the lives of those around you. Its the Sunday School answer that I've heard for years. And while that may be very true, I've been witness to it in my own life on several occasions, it just doesn't cut the cake. The fulfillment of that will last for a while, but like most things, it fades away and I'm left again with that yearning for more. The want of something. Anything.
Perhaps its a selfish ambition. I've wondered that many, many times over the past 4.5 years since I was booted out into the "real world" after college graduation. Why am I feeling like something is just missing? I am positive that there are elements of the future life that I will lead which have yet to come to fruition, and that is conceivably why I still struggle with this hole in my soul that just can't seem to be filled. Maybe once those pieces of the jigsaw fall into place, I'll get that sense of fulfillment that I'm so desperately looking for. Maybe I'm just pointing the finger at Corporate America because I can't find anything else to blame it on. Or maybe I'm spot-on and I'm just not cut out for the rat race.
Who knows. The question of "am I doing the right thing?" is one that plagues many, particularly those living the awkwardness of growing up. Perchance that question needs to be rephrased to "am I doing the right thing for right now?" It is likely a much easier conclusion to grasp. Rather than trying to take on the next 70 years, how about just the next 5?
So, I will continue to search out my answers to what is right for me right now. I am confident that God does have an awesome plan for my life. It may leave me exactly where I am, or it may lead me on an incredible adventure into unknown places. Honestly, I'm rather hoping for the latter....
Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should... -Max Ehrmann
My job doesn't really fall into any of the Circles of Hell. Well, except on days where I wake up in a panic from thinking about the bazillion and a half items on one list of many that I need to keep track of (see last blog). Those days it might be the One-fifths Circle of Hell, or Two-thirds Circle of Hell. Maybe.
Any dissatisfaction that I may have in my current occupation is based around the fact that I don't feel like I'm doing anything that has any lasting meaning. There is a certain level of contentedness that I feel from what I do 8 to 5 (if I'm lucky) Monday through Friday. But it lacks a sense of purpose. Purpose is very important for someone like me (ya know, the crazy neurotic type). I crave that feeling that my toiling isn't just a paycheck. It isn't just the typical corporate hodge-podge that is seen in today's business. I mean, it is business. The primary goal of business is to make money. Pick up any business magazine and the headlines will all be based around how to make more profit and how Joe Schmoe down the street made 5 million by simply making adjustments to his business model. While all of that is valid, and for some, completely fine and dandy, I don't care so much about the dollar as I do really leaving a footprint on the earth. Granted, those greenbacks do come in handy for shoe and purse shopping...
Its idealistic, I know. But I do have that ideal that my life will mean something more than how much money I have stashed away in the vault. I want more than that. Its incredible to know that your life has changed someone else's, and it is my true desire to feel that my vocation is having a positive impact directly, or even indirectly, on the lives of others. That thirst for meaning, for something more, leaves me coming up a little empty by being one of the fish in the Sea of Corporate. Solomon spoke right to the center of the issue in saying that "its all meaningless, a chasing after the wind." In my own life, corporate lacks purpose, it is merely a chasing after the wind.
Yeah, blah blah blah, you can make your job your mission field and change the lives of those around you. Its the Sunday School answer that I've heard for years. And while that may be very true, I've been witness to it in my own life on several occasions, it just doesn't cut the cake. The fulfillment of that will last for a while, but like most things, it fades away and I'm left again with that yearning for more. The want of something. Anything.
Perhaps its a selfish ambition. I've wondered that many, many times over the past 4.5 years since I was booted out into the "real world" after college graduation. Why am I feeling like something is just missing? I am positive that there are elements of the future life that I will lead which have yet to come to fruition, and that is conceivably why I still struggle with this hole in my soul that just can't seem to be filled. Maybe once those pieces of the jigsaw fall into place, I'll get that sense of fulfillment that I'm so desperately looking for. Maybe I'm just pointing the finger at Corporate America because I can't find anything else to blame it on. Or maybe I'm spot-on and I'm just not cut out for the rat race.
Who knows. The question of "am I doing the right thing?" is one that plagues many, particularly those living the awkwardness of growing up. Perchance that question needs to be rephrased to "am I doing the right thing for right now?" It is likely a much easier conclusion to grasp. Rather than trying to take on the next 70 years, how about just the next 5?
So, I will continue to search out my answers to what is right for me right now. I am confident that God does have an awesome plan for my life. It may leave me exactly where I am, or it may lead me on an incredible adventure into unknown places. Honestly, I'm rather hoping for the latter....
Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should... -Max Ehrmann
